DEAR SHIITAKE,
My friend was recently diagnosed with cancer. I feel she has many unresolved emotional issues that need to be addressed for her to heal. She is a private person and has not shown any interest in the emotional release techniques I think will really help her. How Do I get through to her?
Concerned Friend,
Vancover, BC, Canada
HI CONCERNED FRIEND,
Your friend needs lots of support to help ease what must be a very confronting and difficult experience. If she is resistant to emotional and energy oriented therapies and exploration, my advice is to meet her where she is comfortable.
Most people have some inkling that nutrition is important to how their bodies work, feel, and heal. So perhaps start with that. As her body is remade with vibrant nutrition she may become more open to more subtle, yet just as powerful, influences such as emotional and energetic work.
Sometimes people find the emotional issues too confronting at first. There is much to cope with when faced with such a major diagnosis. Perhaps her focus is tied up dealing with the emotions this situation is bringing up. To be confronted at this time with trying to heal old emotional hurts and issues could be too much and may make her want to hide even more.
Subtly try to encourage her to share her emotions about the current situation. How is this making her feel right now? What are her fears? Her hopes? Just giving voice to her fears may help to ease them somewhat—that can do a lot of good in itself. As the Buddha said, what we fear we create. It is the unvoiced fears—the ones that we don’t want to examine—that do the most harm.
Don’t worry about addressing past issues that you feel may have been affecting things—we only have this moment to change things. Focus on what is right rather than what is amiss. Trying to force someone to do things we think they ought to be doing may be counterproductive. Some people heal with chemotherapy and surgery—like the incredibly inspiring Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong, who had conventional medical treatment, support from his mother and family, and an overwhelming conviction in his recovery. Others heal with herbs and diet, some with meditation and emotional work. Many combine methods.
Although we often want our friends to choose methods we feel would give them the best chance of recovery, it really is up to the individual to select the methods that resonate with them. Often it is more than just the methods that are the key factor in recovery—the conviction that the individual has selected the right path is often paramount. Although this may be viewed partially as the placebo effect, it is actually nothing to be sneezed at. The power of suggestion is powerful in one’s recovery—it should be utilized for its optimal effects.
Powerful as they may be it is not these things that do the healing—it is the innate intelligence of the body that heals whether chemotherapy or Essiac tea is the catalyst. I would not feel comfortable with the former and would try to relate the reasoning behind working with nature, but who am I to impose my belief system?
While reflecting on your question, I was confronted with a similar situation. A relative whose recovery catalyzed by a macrobiotic approach and intensive holistic endeavors, suddenly decided to consider radical surgery despite actually having experienced remarkable healing results. I had to consider the appropriateness of my role and advice. Should I sit back and allow him to make an irreversible decision or should I voice the opinion that there could be another way?
I knew in my heart that I had to do the latter. I could see that he had lost sight of the bigger picture while experiencing some transient intense pain. Following my advice he decided to continue on his holistic plan and after the easing of pain, he began thinking more clearly. He is now thankful to be on the path that truly resonates with him. The last report I got was that he was hiking daily and enjoying the spring air. He is not keen to explore any energetic or emotional aspects that I think would be useful. I have to understand that and allow him to do what he feels comfortable with.
Ultimately it is the individual’s choice but we can employ what we know in a way that is supportive and encouraging. I wish you much comfort and togetherness.
xoxoxo,
Shiitake
